Lights
by MorTay3
Summary: At one point in our lives we've all kept secrets from each other some from our closest friends. In this metropolitan area everyone has done or asked favors from each other. Some of these secrets and favors might surprise you, from the person receiving the favor to the one helping out. Time doesn't exist when the speakers talk but all will come out in light.
1. Chapter 1

LIGHTS

**A/N:** Hey everyone this originally was called "_Breaking The Habit_" but I reflected on my writing and felt it was undeserving for this site. Please forgive me. Hopefully this is better. Only six chapter are done so far. PLEASE REVIEW EACH CHAPTER...or as much as possible. Heh hehh. There is 16 chapters to this story. I don't know when I'll update again...hopefully soon. ENJOY!

**Summary: **_At one point in our lives we've all kept secrets from each other some from our closest friends. In this metropolitan area everyone has done or asked favors from each other. Some of these secrets and favors might surprise you, from the person receiving the favor to the one helping out. Time doesn't exist when the speakers talk about their particular secrets but all the secrets will tie into each other in one way or another. Watch as their secrets come into the light for the last time. _3rd person in present day, 1st in past/flashbacks

**Chapter 1**

It would be their last summer together, the thought alone scared them. How could a life long group part for what could be forever? How could they all just leave from each other with these secrets they harbored? These insignificant secrets that determined so much of their personality. They loved each other, some in more ways than just friendship, brotherhood and romance. This would mark their last night together as a group, as the p.s.118 kids.

In Rhonda's beach house they would shed their secrets into the light. The darkness could no longer ever be able to shield them from each other again. Allowing this vulnerability came with consequences, ones they knew could break them but the intrigue of finding out others secrets was the initial reason to risk their own security.

"I vote Helga goes first." Rhonda smirked in Helga's direction.

"I bet you would princess." Helga sneered, angry at the thought of admitting her secrets first that she held so dear close to her.

Everyone seemed to be staring at her including her first love. He looked so different and yet hadn't changed. Or did she have that backward? Arnold was not the same, he always set rules of moral example to everyone and followed none of the advice himself. Yes, Arnold had turned into a bad boy. She couldn't' help staring at him, I mean he was staring at her too. She hadn't really spoken to him since he came back last year, they didn't speak at all actually anymore. It hurt, like hell. Looking at Arnold was as natural as breathing. She could read him like a book and wondered if he could do the same with her. Looking into his green eyes tore a ridge into the memories of him in only a matter of minutes. Some good and some not so good.

Helga to Arnold (13)

I've listened to this Taylor Swift song a thousand times watched the video almost sixty times and yet I still don't have a happy ending. Its not true you know, getting what you want. Its rare to have everything you want come instantly or even come at all. All I ever wanted was you but waiting for you has me losing myself.

"I heard your moving" He stuttered his hands in his pockets. It meant he was nervous and about to expose himself in a uncomfortable way. I knew this from unrequited love, from loving afar.

"Yeah." I nodded robotically. His beautiful emerald eyes went from the ground to my blue.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked his lips in a thin line, his eyes readable yet focused and body language firm. He was guarded well.

"I figure it wouldn't make a difference. I'd move anyway...nothing could or would have changed." I said carefully. I had the opportunity to expose myself allow myself to be vulnerable, express these dying feelings but why couldn't I when the time came to let the cat out of the bag. Why was I frozen.

"A lot could have changed." His feet shuffling together clumsily. It meant he was feeling shy but forcing himself to say what he felt needed to be said, loving from afar.

"Like what?" I said, Curiosity a killer. He looked into my eyes his feet stopped shuffling and he smiled barely, his hands free from the pocket prison.

"Like us." The words echoed and fell silent.

I dreamed of him saying us practically my whole life and here the moment was bittersweet and empty. How could I phrase my next words? I couldn't I have none, just shaky legs and hesitant breathing. His feet took small steps to mine, my breathing space enclosing his sweet breath closing in, his eyes half idled and peering into mine before his plump lips landed on my own.

He granted me with the sweetest displeasure. He parted and I stayed stiff. I knew everything from that kiss, I knew what I needed to know but he didn't know. He kissed me again and this time years of bottled up emotions kissed back. The pressure driven by long longing, the texture from pain, the pulling from desperation, the tongue massing from dreaming and the not coming up for air from passion and mostly undying love. That's how I kissed him.

Hey remember in 6th grade I didn't come to school for a week, Its cause I cut my wrist for you, I wanted to leave from you and now I'm finally kissing you. The pressure driven by curiosity, the texture from uncertaintanty, the pushing from intimidation, the tongue rubbing from desire and the not coming up for air from passion and mostly regret. That's how he kissed me.

We parted and I waned to cry but I dare not cry in front of you, for you weren't comfortable with these feelings that I've felt for more than 5 years. You didn't love me but you wanted to, you forced yourself to kiss me, tried to imitate our passionate kiss but you didn't freely fall into it. I smiled at you. "Its raining." I said. You looked concerned.

"No your crying." He spoke. I wiped the tears from my eyes roughly, you didn't wipe them away. You never did, you caused them to fall.

"Nothing would have changed." I finally spoke after an eternity of silence. You didn't speak and I knew then that you did know from our kiss. This unrequited love is a killer.

"We always have face book." You tried to laugh but it was one sided, I smiled anyway for your benefit.

I nodded and we decided to say goodbye. I watched you from my stoop waving and decided to call out your name, you turned around stopping in your tracks. "Hey Football head, check your inbox whenever you get the chance, face books apparently better at expressing feelings then I am." I laughed. He nodded and smiled his famous smile that said Id do anything for you.

A year has passed and I still haven't gotten a response to my 3 worded letter until today, I can't read it yet...I won't but I hope unrequited love wont be the killer this time.

PRESENT

"Hey umm Helga you alright in there?" Gerald tapped her head with an uneasy smile.

"Move from me Not-so-Tall-Hair boy, Now!" Helga growled. Sid, Harold and Stinky quietly laughed. "You stooges alright or does Ole Betsy need to make a reappearance?" Helga dared them with her narrowed eyes.

"Helga stop stalling and admit your biggest secret already." Arnold cringed his eyebrows clearly annoyed with her. Helga turned her attention to him, intrigued at his boldness but pissed he tried to control her. No one told Helga G. Pataki what to do.

"Look here Football Head, I'll speak when I'm good and ready to speak. I don't need an introduction or a cue, got it?" Helga scowled. Arnold scowled back.

"Whatever you say Helga." He didn't want to fight with her, at all.

"You're right Bucko, whatever I say." Helga stood up and turned away from her lifelong friends. Admitting to them her secret was something she never planned on doing. She just couldn't. Why did she have to go first?

Arnold sat on the floor with everyone else who sat in a circle and watched Helga curiously. She aggravated him like no one else could. He hated that she hid behind a mask, he could read her like a book. Here she was again trying to hide behind her brick wall. He needed to hear her secrets, he couldn't explain why he cared so much, he just knew Helga was on his list of problems that needed to be solved. As a matter of fact she was number one, since he found out what happened to his parents.

Helga cut off the music and breathed out heavily. Her body was arching unnaturally like speaking the truth caused her physical pain. "I can't." She breathed out helplessly. "Helga." Phoebe squeaked. Helga put her hand up for silence. She just needed a minute, she needed to prepare herself to tear down the bricks she created and cemented. "I don't know why I can't talk about my family right now." She laughed questionably. She heard footsteps coming toward her and a heavy hand with a soft touch land on her shoulder. "Helga you can do it. Address us like we're your pink book." Arnold whispered. She could feel his plump lip around her earlobe and she shivered. She looked to Arnold feeling so entirely weak but she nodded for him, she spoke for him and stood strong for him.

Phoebe watched Arnold and Helga and could see the connection immediately. Whenever Helga was weak he was there and vice versa, it amazed her how two people who clearly belonged to each other couldn't see it for themselves. Or maybe they did see it? Phoebe knew Helga loved Arnold still and would be ready for them but Helga needed to allow her emotions to reveal themselves once in a while. As for Arnold, Phoebe wondered if Arnold knew about the two's connection and wondered if he felt the same? Phoebe was sure Arnold didn't allow himself to love Helga, she thought it related to obvious reasons. Such as him losing someone he loved, taking on more responsibility for another life(though he already took on Helga as his personal project, or maybe even...nope there was no explanation. Those two were crazy but Phoebe understood why Helga was the way she was...no one else knew and here Helga was revealing that secret Phoebe played out a few years ago.

Phoebe to Helga (11)

It all started after the trip to San Lorenzo where Arnold found out his parents hadn't survived. Helga was going through puberty of course, it was a natural thing for a young girl ages 11 to 13 for a significant change...it was just a shame that Helga's change benefited her and in the end ruined her. As her best friend I knew certain things that no one else knew or well noticed. Helga was being abused, she has and was always abused by her family. I made sure to take her in on the weekends as much as possible. She never blatantly said she was a abused, just always expressed her strong dislike and sometimes hatred for her family. It was a quiet day at school, things in our classroom felt quiet. Arnold changed his self, there was no bright side and well Helga loving that the most about Arnold was in a funk herself...I wish I had known it wasn't just Arnold that had her the way she was. Tired, quiet, more distant than before...she even stopped bullying. I thought that Helga and Arnold not talking about the kiss they shared was the main cause...I was so stupid then...I Phoebe was stupid.

Age (12)

Gerald finally asked me out...I said positively yes...we kissed and then I heard the thud. I woke up still upset that it was only a dream, ignorant Gerald. My hands quickly went to my bedside lamp to reveal a hysterical Helga up against my wall crying. "Helga." I moved out from my comforting bed. She kept shaking her head incapable of reason. "What's wrong Helga?" my heart racing extremely too fast, Helga never cried...here she was crying and here I was without a logical thought to try to calm her down.

"I should have spent the night here." Helga mumbled. I watched her shake her head again more tears falling down, her arm shielding her face.

"Helga?" I asked, she wouldn't respond. "Helga please." I said, more shakes from her head, her mouth quivered entirely too much her body shaking. "What happened?" I begged my own tears clouding my view of her.

"He touched me pheebs." She barely whispered.

"What?" I asked the shock apparent.

"He touched me, its all my fault." Helga said and then she repeatedly banged her head up against my wall. The thuds extremely loud.

"Helga stop." I held her arms pulling her toward me.

"I couldn't move Pheebs, why didn't I fight this time?" Her voice cracked from her tears. I hate myself for this, I should have seen this coming. Neglect, verbal and emotional abuse, Helga you didn't know I saw the bruises, the physical abuse was there too...I should have known sexual would come along...

The night was long as I held Helga in my arms in my bed, neither of us slept I'm sure...I think I never had a solid night after that. Helga how were you so strong? Am I really your best friend, you hid so much from me, it hurts to wonder what else they've done to you. Your mother an alcoholic, your father an angry man who abused you in every single way possible...you never told me he abused Olga too...

PRESENT

"Stop it Helga!" Lila screamed. Everyone turned their attention to the red head who was hysterically crying.

"What is it Little Miss Perfect? You don't believe that the perfect Olga is tainted?" Helga scowled angrily.

"Helga stop lying, its...its not true." Lila sobbed into her hands. Helga laughed angrily and shook her head as she turned and slammed her fist into the wall, causing a hole in it. Arnold, Sid, Phoebe, and Gerald stood up, while the rest stared in complete awe.

"You bitch. I tell you that my father has abused me since I was 3, that he touched me when I was 12 and all you can think about is fucking Olga!" Helga wiped her eyes roughly trying not to cry as much as possible. Her body completely shaking and emotions clouding her with the thickest fog. "I hate Olga...I hate her for not saying anything. I hated her for taking my daddy's love from me. I hate her for having my mothers affection. And I hate her for leaving knowing I'd be his next target. Oh God." Helga walked out of the room with an unstable mind.

Arnold looked around the room and his eyes stopped at Lila's. "Lila how could you be so insensitive?" He didn't even wait to hear her response, he ran after Helga.

The room was completely silent, as a few sobs broke out. Rhonda wiped an angry tear away.

"Helga...she...I can't even speak." Rhonda pressed her lips in a thin line. Sheena came out the bathroom with balled up tissues wiping her eyes.

"I never knew what Helga went through." Harold said quietly, he felt ignorant saying it. The signs had always been there.

"No one knew because no one cared." Phoebe bluntly said. Everyone looked at her.

"Phoebe that was a cruel thing to say!" Rhonda sneered.

"Its true! No one gave a fuck about Helga!" Phoebe raised her voice and stood on her tip toes. She never yelled but she couldn't let their stupidity slide.

"Phoebe's right." Gerald said his hands in his pockets.

"Yea we all knew how much you hated her back in ps118 Gerald." Stinky said.

"I care about her!" Gerald yelled and regretted what he said immediately when everyone looked at him. "I mean I did hate her cause I didn't know her but I know her now...all of her." Gerald spoke softly and sat on the couch. Phoebe walked over to him silently and wrapped her arms around him.

"Helga never ate lunch." Eugene stated.

"She brought lunches to school but they were packed with shaving cream, pills and razors." Sheena said softly.

"Her mother is a jackass." Rhonda stuck her nose in the air in disapproval.

"I bet Helga's mom packed that stuff as a hint, 'get rid of the unibrow'." Stinky joked to Sid. Sid punched Stink's arm. "Hey man."

"Its not a fucking joke Stinky." Sid walked away and stood by Harold now.

"I admire Helga's strength." Nadine said softly, wiping the tears from her eyes. Sid sent a soft smile her way and Nadine politely smiled back. Lila still sat on the floor but this time not weeping, she never understood why her and Olga had so much in common, until now.

Helga stood by the shore and looked out into the water, she needed a blunt. With weed her mind could cloud these thoughts, she could be happy, well happier. She hated Olga and yet why did her heart go out to her. Olga was weaker than her. Just her name alone caused bitter pain.

Helga to Olga (13)

I hated you, I still do. You never spoke out about what our father did to you, to us. I remember at age four walking in on you and Bob. You laid under him and I could see your silent tears fall as you swayed your hand for me to go away. Were you protecting me Olga? All these years of watching you receive attention I longed for...secretly I wanted Bob to touch me when I was younger. I just wanted my father to love me, you know? I cant believe I was jealous of you, crimmeny your more fucked up than I am.

You manipulated dads feelings easily because of the power in between your legs. When mom passed out at night I could hear him and you. I wanted dad to touch me too. I'm disgusted at the thought now but then I wanted him to touch me, he'd find me pretty and he would never neglect me, well at least at night. He would find purpose for my existence then. Dad was stressed and worked hard Miriam couldn't please him, so you did Olga. He controlled your weight and grades, you needed to be the best, he only wanted the best and that's why you were such a perfectionist. Being perfect at everything is what Bob wanted from you so you did that exactly, He always got too excited when you came home to visit. He enjoyed that plaid skirt of yours a little too much. Sometimes at night I would try to imagine how it felt when dad touched you, he probably touched you with care, he was rough with me.

Your weight was perfect, hair, body, grades, playing but something wasn't your dating...you barely dated...I guess I know why now. Olga I hate you so much only because I love you entirely too much. I wanted to stop daddy from making you cry, I tried to tell Miriam one day what I saw but of course she didn't believe me or did she. She and Bob argued that night and Miriam slept behind the couch, smoothie induced. I'm moving with our aunt in Seattle, it'll be good for me except not seeing Arnold. At least I still I have my virginity technically. Bob stole yours and for that I will always pity you but I think you're a coward, if you spoke out maybe I'd be a different person. I wouldn't be this ugly girl hidden in a ugly shell of a body, I'd have more friends, I would be able to express my feelings, have a real family, know love but wait...I would have never met love, I would never know Arnold. I would never discover happiness in unrequited love. I wouldn't know Phoebe, bless her. Olga thanks I guess.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

PRESENT

"He called me Olga when he touched me." Helga said pulling out her pack of cigs. Arnold stood beside her and she handed the pack over to him. He never smoked before but he needed something stronger than coffee right about now.

"Helga is that why you left?" Arnold said quietly. She nodded her head and lighted his cig for him and then hers. They looked into each others eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Arnold was on the break of tears. He was hurting for her for various reasons.

"I didn't know how to tell anyone." Helga said. "Let alone you." She finished and continued to watch the waves.

"You told Phoebe though." Arnold said but phrased it in a question.

"Yea and your point?" Helga said sarcastically.

"Helga stop the bullshit." Arnold flung his cigarette from his fingers and forced Helga to look at him. "You're hurting. You. Are. Hurting. Stop trying to hide behind this wall you've built. For God sake Helga you just told your friends what Bob did to you!" Helga looked away and could feel the hot unfamiliar tears fall. "You don't have to hide anymore Helga. You can be yourself, you can let your guard down. Why is it so hard for you." Arnold threw his hands up behind his head and walked a few paces from her.

He felt hands grip his waist softly and he tensed but slide into her comfortably. His hands on hers now. "Arnold what are you hiding from me?" She whispered with the most sincerest voice he ever heard her speak in. He breathed out touched completely by her.

"Helga...I..its complicated." He finished. She moved her way to face him, her arms not detaching from him at all. She looked into his eyes and stood on her tip toes as she kissed his forehead and opened her eyes to see his reaction. He bit his lip quivering a bit. His reaction surprised her, he was so scared to fall for her. She kissed the tip of his nose and looked into his beautiful green eyes to see them shut tight. "I want you to kiss me Helga." He found himself saying. She couldn't help but smile and feel the butterflies parade her stomach but she couldn't let him avoid the question.

"Arnold...I told you my secret, why cant you tell me yours?" Her lips touching the side of his lips. Helga's right hand began to venture up his chest to his hair. Arnold roughly grabbed Helga's wrist and put it to her side. He looked into her shocked eyes and walked away.

Here she was again aggravating him. How could she be so selfless and think about me after revealing a secret like that,' Arnold thought. His head was pounding and his mind was slipping. He felt it disappearing with each passing year. Helga made him feel worse about himself and yet she made him strong. It was like a rollercoaster with her, they were always going through ups and downs.

Just a few minutes ago he wanted her to kiss him. She knew he was stalling from revealing his own secret. He manipulated her love to stall from his own problems, Arnold was disgusted with himself for that factor but deep down he wanted Helga to kiss him. He looked at his watch, it was 12:02. Today marked the day that Helga left. They always found a way to make everything convenient. It was cute when you really thought about it.

Arnold to Helga Age 14

Exactly a year ago, Helga and I kissed for the third time. A year ago she told me she was leaving Hillwood and me. That faithful day a year ago, I felt all kinds of emotions that were unexplainable. I thought I should feel relieved that my bully since preschool was actually leaving but I felt anything but relief. I never knew how much I cared for Helga until then.

I could think back to the countless amounts of times that she's been my guardian angel, has given me the best advice I could ask for, has had my emotions on the wildest rollercoaster and at the end of the day be one of the most loyal friends I have. She told me once that I was the most beautiful person she had ever met. She told me that she loved me.

A year ago she said nothing would change between us...Helga do we ever change really? Our feelings at least. You've loved me since we were 3 and I've cared for you, felt that you were my most important project since we were 3. Nothing has changed, you love me and I don't know how I feel about you. Except that I can't live without you. Its hard living in a world without hearing you call me football head, I've grown to love that nickname you gave to me. I've grown to love lots of things about you. I'll start with the physical...I love your yellow hair, its umm pretty. I think your ears are cute. Pink is the best color on you, don't change that. But my favorite thing about you is your pink bow, that same pink bow I saw that faithful day, we met in the rain on our way to preschool. You were the first child I ever saw. I'm sure I was your first too.

Helga your smart, pretty, loyal and really sweet when you want to be, sweeter than Lila herself. I can't understand why I can't fall into my feelings for you like you have done for me so easily. Do you even know me Helga? I have a lot of demons...but then again I bet you do too, I'm naive about these things but I even knew your home life was bad, I guess having parents to me equaled an automatic great life. I'm sorry for that. I never asked why you decided to move. My only concern was you not being here with me.

Helga I kissed you. I kissed you because I needed you at that moment, I wanted you to need me too. This kiss was different from our first, I just sat there while you did all the work and then our second kiss I kissed you, why did we say it was the heat of the moment again? It wasn't Dammit. I kissed you again and then I knew definitely that this wasn't the heat of the moment it was intense. Helga you kissed me with desperation, pain, love and passion, so much passion. I kissed you with desire, uncertaintanty, regret and passion. I regretted our kiss because I knew that your love for me surpassed everything worldly and here I was taking advantage of these feelings because I cared. I didn't deserve your love then or now. I was never prepared for us but I said we could have changed. I was so set on us that I never truly considered feelings and yours scared me. I want to love you, I wish I did but I can't. I can't force myself to love you, its unfair. You knew when you met me, that was 11 years ago, and I still don't know how I feel.

You wrote me on face book. Helga, are you that frightened that you can't tell me in person? Is it that hard? You always do this you know, tell me how you feel and leave or take it back. I never get a chance to say anything, I hate you for that and yet I can't hate you. I should for your emotional whiplash but I don't, I never hated you only hoped for the best. Helga I can't...That's what I'll write.

I've reread your three worded message on face book for an hour now. 'I Love You.' I know what to say but I can't and won't.

[Reply]

'I can't.'

[Send]

I'm sorry Helga but when you love someone you just don't treat them bad...I can't do that to you.

PRESENT

"Arnold." He heard her call his name. He turned to see her a distance away from him and wondered why she strayed so far from him. He was losing it. Helga was probably two feet away and she wasn't close enough for him. Arnold breathed out and watched her turquoise eyes stare into his green eyes. He wondered if she saw him for who he really was. How could she love someone she barely knew. Arnold thought whole heartedly that Helga didn't know him but he knew she was the only one who could break him. And that's why he believed she loved him.

"Guess its my turn to tell some secrets huh?" Arnold tried to smile for her. Helga smiled but he knew she didn't believe him. He took her hand and together the two walked back to Rhonda's beach house.

Arnold made side glances at Helga and completely became enraptured at her beauty. Helga was tall approximate 5'9 with waist long blonde hair. Helga really was exotic and entrancing . Truthfully the girl was beautiful in an all unique way. She was not your typical blonde with blue eyes. Arnold didn't define Helga as normal beautiful he was sure half the school was quick to jump and say Helga was ugly but no this girl had strong blue eyes that burned with longing, intelligence and mostly passion. A deep pool of turquoise surmised all reason to hate her. Her body was long and slim with curves in all the right places except her lips for the girl rarely ever smiled. He wished she would smile more often, he would make it his job to see her smile.

Arnold breathed out as they entered the beach house to see everyone together in the room but separated from each other somehow. Phoebe and Gerald sat on the couch alone, Sid and Harold stood leaned up against the wall, Rhonda and Nadine sat together in a chair, whispering to each other, Eugene and Sheena on the floor across from each other chatting away in a heart felt matter, and Curly was in deep thought alone near Stinky who sat alone himself. Arnold would reveal his secrets only because he agreed and he only agreed to be closer to Helga...I mean figuring out Helga.

Phoebe stood up immediately when she saw Helga. Phoebe slowly approached Helga and held her in her arms tightly. Helga stood there briefly for a few moments and then held her short best friend back. Here Phoebe was comforting Helga, and Helga was a horrible person. She looked at the black haired girl and felt great grief. No amount of sorry could make up for Helga's wrong.

Rhonda walked toward Helga as Phoebe released. Helga watched Rhonda curiously. Rhonda threw her arms around Helga and sobbed into her shoulder. Helga held her back. "Its okay princess, shit happens." Helga said patting Rhonda's back.

"Helga how could you still be so vile." Rhonda joked. The two shared a smile.

"I'm sorry Helga." Harold said quietly.

"Its cool pink bo-...I mean Harold. Don't worry about me, I'm fine now." Helga smiled reassuringly at Harold.

"Boy howdy Helga, I was really scared back there for a second. You okay?" Sid asked.

"Yes Sid I'm fine." Helga smiled.

"I sure was worried Helga. I'm so sorry about what happened." Stinky chimed in. Sid glanced Stink's way and felt he was being sincere.

"Helga you're a strong person." Helga looked toward Nadine. "I admire that." Nadine looked away.

"I'm far from strong." Helga said flatly.

"You are Helga." Arnold obliged coldly. He was irritated with her. Helga chose to ignore Arnold's attitude and looked around at all her friends and saw Eugene hysterically crying on Sheena's shoulder.

"Oh why are you guys crying?" Helga said pestered.

"I just love this heart to heart and well Helga your story was worse than a lifetime movie." Eugene wiped his eyes. Helga busted out in laughter. Arnold turned his direction toward Helga intrigued by this new behavior he saw on rare occasions.

"I love you guys." Helga smiled. Everyone's mouths dropped. "Yes Helga G. Pataki loves you. Don't broadcast it though or ole Betsy and the avengers will come out of retirement." Helga raised her fist playfully. Everyone began to laugh or giggle in their own way making their way back to the circle they formed.

"Who's next?" Sheena asked.

"Arnold." Helga smirked at Arnold. Arnold scowled in her direction. He felt like he was Helga nowadays.

"Oh I wonder what juicy gossip Arnold has to spill." Rhonda clapped her hands.

"I have no secrets, nothing to hide." Arnold lied.

"You're a terrible liar Arnold." Helga smiled shaking her head at him.

"And you're annoying." Arnold sneered.

"Why are you so angry?" Phoebe asked Arnold.

"Yea why are you so angry Arnold-o?" Helga extended his name. Arnold jumped up and so did Helga daringly. He hated when she did this.

"Hey man calm down." Gerald said.

"Arnold is incapable of being calm." Helga said. Arnold starting walking toward Helga as she backed away.

"What are you talking about my mans Arnold is the calmest and most collected person I know." Gerald defended Arnold. You heard a few yeahs.

"Who sold you that bullshit?" Helga laughed now fully against the wall. Arnold could feel his whole body shaking and his head was being stomped by giants at this point. "Arnold isn't collected. Quite opposite actually. Arnold has no control over his life." Helga spoke as Arnold interrupted.

"Arnold has no control over his life..."

"Helga stop."

"His only way of control is through other peoples..."

"Helga I'm warning you."

"..problems. He's Mr. Solve-it, Mr. Perfect, Mr. Calm and Collected..."

"Shut up."

"When in reality he is indesive..."

"Helga please..."

"broken..."

"HELGA!"

"Aggressive..." Arnold slammed his palms on either side of Helga and defiantly looked into her eyes.

"Shut the fuck up Helga." He had a crazy look in his eyes that went from rage to fear to lust? He roughly pulled Helga's face up to his, his lips touching hers but not kissing her.

"And he's manipulative." Helga whispered trying not to swoon into him. Arnold breathed out and felt the realization close in on him. He looked at his classmates terrified expressions and he looked at Helga, she knew him. She truly did love him but why. He let go of her and sat back in his original spot and tried to find an explanation but nothing came up. He could only just think about the past, the place he always seemed to fall into but hated falling into.

Age (13)

The first time I had sex was after reading Helga's face book message. Ruth was my first, funny thing was that's what I've always wanted and regretted immediately afterward. Being inside Ruth gave me control, I could do anything to her when I was inside her. I could cause her pain, I could cause her pleasure.

We had sex a few more times, more than a few more times, till one of us caught feelings and guess what it wasn't I Arnold Shortman. Yea dicks I have a last name. Sex with Ruth was fun, no it was more than that a need. I needed sex I could smell, I needed to feel perfect to feel like somebody else. When she would leave I would sweat wanting her, wanting to be inside her to have that control whenever I lost control with the boarders or with grandma's health, with Helga leaving for good, with losing my best friend to Phoebe. I needed to control something, and sex was just it. I didn't understand my obsession then but now things are starting to become clear.

PRESENT

"Arnold you pig!" Nadine called out.

"That was the old me, Nadine." Arnold said calmly but he was getting pissed, he didn't like outburst unless they were his own.

.

"Wow Arnold you're a fast one huh?" Eugene smiled brightly leaning on his elbow and completely missing his palm to get carpet to his face.

"And the jinx maintains his name." Helga joked.

"Boy Howdy, nice one Arnold, bagging Ruth McDougal." Sid winked.

"Thanks I guess, Sid." Arnold looked at Helga interested in her reaction. She made no eye contact with him at all, she was staring off.

"Well Arnold I would say your suffering from neglect yourself." Phoebe said. Arnold didn't respond, he allowed himself to be neglected.

"Arnold my mans, sex doesn't solve anything...well it can when you're angry at your partner and..." Phoebe jabbed Gerald. "Owe what?"

"Look the point is I need control or I lose it." Arnold said.

"Control can destroy a man Arnold." Curly finally spoke. Everyone laid a curious eye on him.

Age(14)

I'm moving to my mom's sisters house. I need to know what she's like. Grandpa and grandma can't give me her life story, like my aunt can. My parents are still a touchy subject. They left me to service other people and died servicing other people. I thought if I went to San Lorenzo that I would be able to get my fairy tale ending for being so kind and helpful to others but who was I kidding? It had been years since I saw my parents almost a decade. What were the chances of them being alive obviously slim to none cause I didn't bring them home...well just there head gear. Not even ashes were left to claim or bones.

Like I said touchy, the more I think about them the more angrier I become. I guess others came first before their needs or I did. So I live by their ways, I solve problems for other people, doesn't matter who just as long as the problem is addressed and solved I can rest. My needs mean and meant nothing, so long as everyone else's problems were fixed. Days in the boarding house were hell and yet my only home. I'm a fucking orphan, I hate that word by the way...orphan was a negative word and here I was an orphan with eccentric grandparents and boarders with unestablished lives as my surrogate family.

I'm sad, pitiful I know it but they don't know it. My friends think my life is perfect, Gerald at one point said I was the coolest kid for that, aha. I collect the rent money, I keep things together and stable, I help fix things broken around the house, and I take care of all the pets grandma invites in. When I'm being a kid I play the leader if Helga isn't, I motivate the team, solve their problems and try to maintain this role of being perfect, when I'm not.

I'm a angry person...sometimes at night, I go out and kick the trashcan for a few hours to release some steam. I joined a gym and got into boxing, a few rounds relaxes me for a little bit but then my skin boils and I can't help but hear the voices of today's earlier problems I must fix. I hate my parents for abandoning me but then again they're not me. Or is it that I'm not like them? I'm not like them and that hurts. They're kind and compassionate, while I'm selfish and needy. I just feel like if I can just try to pretend to be them for just a moment I can be closer to them. Sometimes its just easier to pretend to be someone else when you hate yourself, I guess.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

PRESENT

"So you're saying that sex allows you control of your life?" Rhonda asked slowly. Arnold just nodded. "And that solving problems is more of a job and need than a pleasure and want?"

"Sad truth." Arnold frowned.

"How fickle." Rhonda whispered loudly to Nadine.

"Oh shut your pie whole princess. I think Arnold has gone through more than we have. He's lost his parents and was raised as an adult an early age...like me. We had to wake up to reality early on and we compensated through different things. I with my bullying and Arnold through his problem solving. It was our way to express some type of feelings." Helga finally looked at Arnold and he watched her amused with her speech. "Arnold as he got older like I...had to find another way to deal with the pain by stepping up from a mask to an obsession. I smoke weed whenever I'm feeling down." Helga said.

"Hey nothings wrong with that." Sid smirked.

"Sid it isn't a joke, you smoke for the same reasons I do. So does Gerald-o." Helga said. The boys looked away feeling called out. "Arnold couldn't control his parents death, he can't control the boarders...sex is the only logical thing." Helga stuttered with her words. Arnold breathed out he could feel his skin begin to boil again, his heart was racing.

"I'm ever so sorry Arnold." Lila spoke. "I wouldn't be able to ever handle the things you handle daily. I'm just ever so amazed at how you do it but then again I should know." Lila tried to smile at Arnold and he calmed down a bit finding at least another person in the room who truly understood about being perfect.

"Arnold my mans I need to talk to you." Gerald stood up and walked out the living room. Arnold looked at Helga briefly and followed Gerald till the two were outside on the balcony.

"Something up Gerald?" Arnold asked.

"That's just it Arnold. You have the problem yet you're already asking what mine is." Gerald looked out into the night sky that had not one single star out.

"I don't understand what you're saying Gerald." Arnold said. Gerald turned to Arnold.

"Don't do that man, I know you know what I'm saying." Arnold looked into the night sky his self. "Are we best friends?" Gerald asked.

"Yea of course." Arnold was stunned Gerald even asked anything like that.

"It doesn't seem like it lately...actually for awhile now." Gerald said.

"Explain your reason." Arnold was getting agitated.

"Look when we got back from San Lorenzo things changed, you became distant man." Gerald said.

"Gerald I found out my parents were dead! That I really had no hope!" Arnold didn't' mean to yell but he was just so angry.

"Now hold up Arnold I'm not done. When Helga moved you became even more distant." Gerald said.

"You went out with Phoebe shortly after Helga left." Arnold scowled.

"Then explain why we didn't talk when you lived with your aunt, at all. I called Arnold! I texted and you barely texted back and if you did text or answer you were distant. You keep your life away from me. I don't even know you anymore." Gerald held his head feeling like everything he knew would fall apart tonight. He just had that feeling.

Gerald to Arnold(16)

Brown ripped skin appeared before him smooth as chocolate without any blemishes. His abs soaked from the hot shower he encountered this morning. "Maybe a shower was a bad idea." He thought quietly yawning to himself.

Showers always made him tired, not energized. He glanced at his bed and desperately wanted to climb back under his covers and dream his definition of a perfect life, his perfect life.

He would dream of his girlfriend Phoebe and her long silky black hair past her shoulders a bit, her petite body wrapped up in a tight blue dress and her lips pink and swollen from his stolen kisses. She would smile and lead him to his living room to see his mother cooking junk foods happier than ever, his brother, the famous Jamie-O letting him borrow his cd's willingly and Timberly was his maid. He even saw his new friend an most unlikely friend Helga. They had a bond that was strong and apparent but neither would ever speak of it, aloud at least. Helga smiled at him and nodded her head toward the dinning room. Gerald then walked alone to find his…_BEEP…BEEP…BEEP _

He looked down at the phone to an unsuspected caller. He had to answer it, it wasn't everyday that you actually got a call from this guy…"Hello?" Gerald said into the phone.

"Hey man, what you up to?"

"Nothing...just shocked you called feels like we haven't spoken in forever." Gerald said.

"Sorry about that Gerald. I've been caught up lately in a lot of things, mostly about my parents." Gerald felt bad for his best friend, he knew Arnold suffered a great deal and hid it well by compensating with solving other peoples problems.

"How did that go for you?" He asked.

"Its been great hanging out with my moms side of the family, they're amazing people. I feel like I'm much more closer to my mom when I speak to them. Living with them was a good thing for me but I know where I belong now." Arnold said.

"Well spit it out man." Gerald said.

"Back in Hillwood."

"Are you saying what I think your saying man?" Gerald asked.

"Yep Gerald, I'm moving back. Well I already did...I'll be at school today actually." Gerald put the phone to his side for a few seconds taking in this great news. It should feel like great news but it didn't. "Gerald." He heard. He put the phone back to his ear.

"Yea I'm here man, just shocked." Gerald said truthfully.

"I wanted to call a long time ago but I...I don't know." Arnold said.

"I get it. You were finding yourself, we all are Arnold." Gerald said quietly.

"So what have I missed freshman and sophomore year?" Arnold asked.

"A shit worth of things Arnold." Gerald stated.

"Give me the biggest news, I guess." Arnold said.

"Me and Phoebe are finally together. Right after you left actually." Gerald said.

"Wow I knew it would happen eventually." Arnold laughed.

"Yea, haha took me long enough huh? Rhonda is dating the captan of the baseball team and the football quarter back." Gerald said while getting dressed.

"Thats not really all that surprising."

"Sid sells drugs, Nadine and Rhonda aren't friends, Lila isn't so innocent and.." Arnold interrupted Gerald.

"Lila isn't innocent?" Arnold asked.

"Still digging that girl huh?" Gerald asked. The phone stayed silent. "Yeah, her ex boyfriend sent some nude photos out all over the school...it was sad really luckily Helga was there for her." Gerald said.

"Helga?" Arnold spoke.

"Oh yeah...Helga moved back sophomore year." Gerald said.

"How is she?" Arnold asked, his voice sounded like he was trembling. It was shocking to know he actually wanted to know how she was feeling, he fucked with her emotions the most.

"She's better now." Gerald stated flatly. "That girl is something else Arnold." Gerald started.

"Don't tell me you still hate her?" Arnold sounded annoyed.

"Hell no, she's amazing." The phone stayed silent until Gerald cleared his throat. "Well I got to know her better since her and ugh umm Phoebe are best friends and all." Gerald began to stutter.

"...Yeah. Gerald come down stairs I'm at your door." Arnold said.

"Oh umm cool, see yah in a second." Gerald hung up and wiped the sweat from his head.

He couldn't' help but feel pissed with Arnold's sudden appearance, they hadn't really spoken since freshman year. Arnold missed out on so much, Gerald needed him. But at this point Gerald really couldn't face Arnold, he even knew he crossed the line with this one. How could they ever forgive him.

PRESENT

"Gerald, I have a hard time being myself...the parts of me that have a good time with you is me. I get to be normal around you, so you do know me. You just don't know my demons Gerald. I get angry easily, like Helga said...I'm indecisive, insecure, aggressive and manipulative. You don't want to see that." Arnold felt like Gerald would eventually leave as time passed, so he might as well rip the band aid off the wound.

"Arnold I as your main man am supposed to know that side. Don't hide it, embrace it." Gerald said hand out. Arnold smiled and they did their hand shake. "Now lets head back in there for they throw a search party." Gerald and Arnold walked into the room to see everyone eating chips, ice cream and sandwiches.

"Well if it isn't the hair boys gracing us with their presence." Helga smiled sincerely, her eyes landed on Gerald's briefly. Arnold caught the two and wondered if this concerned him in any way.

"So who's next?" Harold asked.

"Me...I have a few things I need to say." Gerald looked toward Phoebe and then Helga. Helga closed her eyes knowing tonight would change everything.

Gerald (15-16)

Dad left, he leaves a lot lately. I hate the arguments over stupid bills, bills that I help pay. With a part time job, basketball, school and a girlfriend I promise you I have no break. I was taught that in life that only the weak don't survive, that you must always work in order to have happiness. My families misery was caused by money so that concept was true in my mind. Maybe that's why I fell for Phoebe, she believed in the concept as me. Expect nothing to get hurt less. I use to expect a lot you. I expected my dad would be there for me, because he was there in the house. I found myself lucky being black with a father and a mother married, I didn't think I was better just luckier. I kept that with me, I was lucky and I tried not to complain too much. Sometimes during their arguments I could hear objects being smashed and fowl words such as divorce. I never wanna hear that.

I started smoking during basketball with Sid, he told me I needed to chill. I was introduced to loud, the experience was far from reality was far from ground. Guess that's why they call it getting high. I loved having the weight lifted off my shoulders, I could lose control. I had too much control sometimes. I controlled my feelings, my life style and relationship, sad to say. I needed to loosen up. Little did I know loosening up would start my worst regret, cheating...


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

PRESENT

"Wait...what did you say?" Phoebe asked looking into Gerald's glassy eyes.

"Phoebe I cheated on you sophomore year." Phoebe looked at Gerald and then around at all her friends. Her cheeks flushed and her stomach dropped, she felt the embarrassment surround her and her first instinct was to run the hell out of there. "Phoebe!" Gerald yelled after her.

The room was in complete awe. Helga followed after Gerald and Phoebe. 'How did this concern Helga?' Arnold thought as he followed Helga. "I don't know if we should be doing this secret thing anymore." Nadine said.

"Oh absolutely not. This is the juiciest gossip I'll ever hear in my life!" Rhonda smiled wide eyed.

"Rhonda you're terrible, just terrible." Stinky said shaking his head.

Arnold didn't walk into the balcony but stood behind the door listening intently. "Gerald how could you?!" Phoebe yelled.

"Phoebe I don't know...I was high." Gerald said looking away.

"You don't know why you cheated? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Oh and being high isn't an excuse!" Phoebe pointed a finger in his face.

"Look I needed something you couldn't give...it was a mistake." Gerald said feeling like he was worthless, he was.

"Helga do you hear this?" Phoebe pointed toward Gerald. Helga could only look down and she breathed in looking at Phoebe.

"Pheebs I...I have something to tell you." Helga played with her hands. Phoebe looked at her sad stricken best friend and her boyfriend as the two looked at each other and awkwardly looked away.

"Helga you didn't." Phoebe shook her head. Helga looked at Phoebe.

"I'm so sorry Phoebe." Helga whispered.

Gerald to Helga (16)

The first time they kissed was when they were blazed. The smoke clouded their minds they concluded but they knew it was the deep want and connection no one else could understand, none of their friends would ever be able to understand. Maybe that's why they had kissed, they weren't friends and the physical attraction couldn't be denied…

His kisses were soft and wanting, her kisses were rough and passionate. There was no explanation for their strange reaction, this chemical reaction that begged for more. So they didn't deny it the second time they got blazed that the kiss was just the drugs…it was both their love for not wanting to remember and their love of the kush that made them realize, in a way it helped them like their touching...it helped them physically.

They would continue this till it could last…as long as the weed was there they were there for each other…little did they know, the weed just developed the relationship. They could care less about whether the substance would be there or not…

PRESENT

"Why?" Phoebe stuttered. Gerald approached her.

"Look Phoebe Helga and I were high and we talked about a lot of stuff that I can't talk about with you." Gerald began.

"Don't ever say that bitch's name and I in the same sentence again." Phoebe could no longer compose herself and Helga deserved to be called a bitch in her eyes so she said nothing.

"Phoebe I'm-..." Phoebe interrupted.

"How many times?" Phoebe asked. Helga and Gerald looked at each other.

"Five times." Helga said.

"Did you fuck her Gerald?" Phoebe asked. Gerald was shocked in what he saw when Phoebe spoke, this wasn't her.

"...no." Gerald felt his mouth was dry and his eyes were irritating the hell out of him. "Phoebe I'm sorry." Gerald said.

"A little too late Gerald...we're done." Phoebe spoke and looked at Helga. "There is no friendship between us Helga, not anymore after tonight." Phoebe walked away with her dignity back into the living room, Arnold just watched her go.

Helga and Gerald just stared off feeling Phoebe's loss already. Helga immediately began to cry, Phoebe was apart of Helga's life, Phoebe had always been there...they couldn't part...there would be no life...

Helga to Phoebe (17)

For her love was a unnatural word. It was hard to believe in yet she was passionate about love, something she would never admit to. She didn't know love, for she never seen it. She didn't know how to even begin defining it…"An addiction…no an obsession." she thought as she checked herself before she stepped out the door to see a friend, her best friend, Phoebe. She glanced at her friend and couldn't help but notice the change.

Phoebe was still submissive to her but Phoebe belonged to someone else. Her childhood crush Gerald. Helga always thought that she would find love before Phoebe would. "Guess things change?" she thought. They talked still even walked to school together well at least in the mornings. They hung out in the hallways and at lunch but the distance was evident though. There was less compassion but still too much past to throw the relationship away. "This wasn't suppose to happen?" Helga said out loud quietly.

"You alright?" Phoebe asked.

Helga realized she must have spoken out loud. "Oh nothing, sorry Pheebs."

"Sorry for what?" Phoebe asked curiously looking at her best friend with concern. Helga smiled at her friend, she loved her and even if she wasn't the same Phoebe she still carried certain traits plus her name was the same.

Helga noticed Phoebe's attire. Phoebe wore a blue dress one that matched her younger years of fourth grade and had grey woolen fashionable print leggings. Phoebe had her hair out these days. Her hair remained a little ways past her shoulders with a small grey head band keeping it in place. Phoebe was still short and petite. She stood at a height of 5'3 and weighed 100. Phoebe was beautiful in a simplistic way and admired for her tranquil behavior yet having those knowing eyes that could see past any façade. Helga admired Phoebe for various reasons and in ways hoped to tell her someday but that wouldn't make her a good dictator would it? No and her lack of emotional confrontations would never allow it. She would love from afar, admire from afar and feel deep regret from afar…

School was anything but interesting. It was long, drawn out and just gloomy. She passed all her classes with average scores using an advanced mind. It was sad how she didn't and wouldn't commit herself to her grades, yet alone any form of education.

She convinced herself that math was useless unless it had to deal with money, science was dull unless it had something to do with her beloved green herbs, history…well she hated living in the past, what was present now mattered but not as much as the future. She always believed in a better future, maybe not a better tomorrow but a future, she was capable of believing in. Finally English , she secretly loved English. Her passion for writing, reading and poetry…poetry could never betray her. But it did. Poetry was the one weakness that allowed her to be all mush, allowed her to be sentimental, allowed her to not compress her feelings inside. It was a lot of feelings. Reading books now though, the genres she loved were unrealistic now. 'True love?! Huh what a joke, a cruel cruel joke…' she thought.

The bell rang. "Time to meet up with Phoebe and Not-so tall hair boy." She sighed and gathered her books. Helga had her good days with them and her bad days. Today was going to be a bad one…

PRESENT

Helga turned her attention to a crying Gerald. He wiped at his eyes roughly and stepped away from Helga. "Gerald, I'm sorry." Helga began.

"Pataki leave me alone right now." Gerald said and then looked at her. "I'll leave never mind." Gerald walked back into the beach house to his room not even noticing Arnold hiding. Arnold stepped into the light and made his way to Helga wanting to kill her and cry at the same time. Why did it hurt so damn bad that she was with Gerald...they weren't together, they never were. "Helga how could you?" Arnold had a disapproving look at her and he was hurt in complete agony.

"I needed someone and Gerald was there, he understood." Helga was too jaded to fight.

"How could you do this to Phoebe...to me?" Arnold leaned over the railing.

"How could I do this to you? How does it effect you Arnold?!" Helga yelled, she didn't need this right now...she hated his games.

"You know I care about you Helga..."Arnold held his head feeling the throbbing begin.

"Actually I don't know that. You never said you did, you told me through face book that you can't after I said I loved you!" Helga screamed.

"Helga! You messaged me on Face book saying you loved me...I couldn't fall in so quick like you did." Arnold yelled.

"You waited a year to reply 'I can't'...you made me wait on you like you always did and still do. I hate these games with you." Helga yelled.

"Games?! You freaking hooked up with Gerald, my best friend...why Helga for revenge, to make me jealous?" Helga watched as Arnold paced around angrily. His muscles looked good when he was tense. His hair wild long and attractive, his features so manly and yet held that boyish charm of his. "You know what Helga whatever your plan was, it worked." Helga looked at Arnold. "I'm jealous and I'm hurt." Arnold looked away, he had already said too much.

"Arnold not everything is about you and this time it wasn't Gerald and I understood each other at that time...and besides how can you be jealous when you have no feelings for me? You can't even address your feelings for me without turning away or changing the subject...I threw us away when I moved in with my aunt. I gave up on us entirely and it was your fault. You'll have to live with that." Helga pushed Arnold harshly as she walked past him.

Phoebe sat in the living room fuming silently, she needed to compose herself. She would not allow her friends to see the real her. Phoebe knew they would question her whole being if they truly saw her. Phoebe wasn't quiet because she was shy, she was quiet because she was constantly analyzing, Phoebe wasn't smart because she studied books, she studied people and knew how to manipulate them. Phoebe lived for the thrills of life secretly but what would people think if she did exactly how she felt? That's why she admired Helga.

Helga wasn't afraid to do as she pleased and Phoebe thought that by hanging with Helga she would open herself up to those same intentions. She had too much control over her emotions but when it came to life she had no control. She needed to rebel, and that's what she would do tonight. Everyone wanted to know her secret, she would give them exactly that. Phoebe wasn't what everyone thought she was, she would make sure everyone knew that by the end of this night.

"Gerald, Helga and Arnold!" Phoebe shouted as she looked at the clock of the dark living room. It was 12:52 am, no time to waste, everyone needed to vent. Helga came in first and looked at Phoebe shocked to be greeted with a woman who had a plan...that was never a good thing. Arnold entered shortly after and looked around at all his friends who were curious with this new woman who was confident...no cocky. Gerald entered to see a wild woman with the most devious smirk set on her face. Her hair was wild and thick not straight and laid back like it usually stayed, her body language was firm and yet relaxed...was she taller? Or was she more confident. "So I guess its my turn to tell my secret." Phoebe stared directly at Gerald. She could see Gerald gulp silently and sink slowly into the couch.

"This is gonna be better than any tv show I'd ever seen." Stinky elbowed Harold. The two boys raised eyebrows at each other and maintained focus on this new Phoebe.

Age (15-16)

I was 14 when I lost my virginity, I didn't tell Helga. I felt like I didn't need to, my sex life was between me and Gerald, and I wanted to keep it that way. I admit having sex at such a young age wasn't very smart but then again most women in the earlier centuries were married by that age and had already had sex, maybe even a child on the way. I was curious about the anatomy and even more curious of the experience of sex. Reading about and watching a movie could never amount to actually experiencing it physically for yourself. So I made it a point to have sex more than often with Gerald, I even suggested new things to try.

In the bedroom I was the dictator, I could manipulate Gerald with sex, with my physical body to get anything I wanted. Men are truly foolish, you know? A woman could train a man like a dog, that's what men are to me...even Gerald sometimes. I trained him well until recently...I can feel us falling apart and I think he feels it too. We've been together for so long that are spark our whole courtship is slowly being forgotten. I didn't want us to lose what we have but I'm afraid that its already lost.

I never considered looking as cheating. I wasn't cheating when I stared at my old 5th grade nemesis Wolfgang. I tutored for pre calc, the students at our school were hopeless but with my help hope was belittling to the wonders of what I could do. Wolfgang was attractive and very bright when he actually tried to learn what I was teaching...I made sure to give him my special attention.

The days Gerald was M.I.A I was with Wolfgang studying at Slausens. We'd go over everything in the chapter he needed to the next chapter that wasn't even taught yet. I was going to make him the best. One day after school Wolfgang invited me over to his house to study for the big upcoming test he had and I agreed for various reasons. One, Gerald was busy, Two I had no plans with Helga, Three I was attracted to Wolfgang.

"Hey Phoebe." Wolfgang smiled at the almond shaped eyed girl. Wolfgang looked the same but more manlier, he really was attractive.

"Yes Wolfgang?" Phoebe smiled politely.

"I ugh...wanted to thank you." Wolfgang had his left arm behind his head scratching at his head.

"Oh for what?" Phoebe couldn't stop smiling.

"For everything, you're really smart, sweet, polite and I like that you're shy. I think its cute." Wolfgang smirked at her. Phoebe didn't know what came over her but she threw herself on Wolfgang, pulling his lips toward hers. She roughly moved away. "Whoa." Wolfgang sat wide eyed.

"Don't ever call me shy, sweet or polite." Phoebe smirked deviously. "I take what I want..." She crawled over to Wolfgang as he backed away to the head of his bed. "...when I want..." Phoebe grabbed his collar pulling him up to her so that her lips were to the side of his. "Got it bucko?" Phoebe narrowed her eyes at Wolfgang. Wolfgang slowly nodded watching her carefully, excited to see her next move but terrified. "Good boy." Phoebe said and then pushed him down on his bed and made out with him.

PRESENT

"You slept with Wolfgang." Gerald asked Phoebe, his eyes wouldn't leave hers.

"Yes, I did. You're not the only one who cheated in this relationship." Phoebe laughed cruelly. Arnold watched as Gerald sat completely still on the couch and then suddenly flip the coffee table over that was in front of the couch as he stood up in a flash. All the girls gasped, except Phoebe and Helga. Phoebe smiled satisfied with herself. The revenge felt so damn good. Arnold made his way out the living room to find Gerald.

"Umm I think we should all take a quick twenty break from each other and breathe." Eugene clapped his hands together as he stood up and stretched but tripped over his shoe lace to land on the coffee table that shattered under his body mass. "I'm okay." he raised an arm. Everyone looked at each other and made their way to whatever they could, the living room had so much tension in it you could literally cut it with a knife. Only two girls stayed behind, two best friends.

Helga watched Phoebe from against the wall and wanted to speak but didn't know how to begin. Luckily Phoebe beat her to it. "Helga why?" Phoebe asked. Helga closed her eyes and breathed in.

"Phoebe the truth is, me and you have become distant over the years. I know that's not an excuse for what happened but its true." Helga looked at Phoebe to see Phoebe wiping her eyes violently...Phoebe was the one who never cried. Phoebe was the one who really lacked the emotions in the relationship and Phoebe was really the one who controlled the relationship by letting Helga think she did. "Phoebe I was hurting and Gerald was too...you distanced yourself from us both. Gerald couldn't talk to you because you were always busy. We happened to be hanging with Sid and smoking and we just connected over family issues and we kissed...I swear we only kissed...nothing else." Phoebe listened. "It continued because we were stupid and selfish. I don't know why we did it, I'm not attracted to him...we just bonded over our problems. Phoebe I love you so damn much." Helga began to cry.

"Obviously not enough Helga." Phoebe frowned her arms crossed.

"I do Phoebe." Helga chocked out. "I hate myself for doing this to you. You don't deserve it. Phoebe I know who you really are and this is it. Tonight you allowed yourself to be you and that's the Phoebe I love and am proud of." Phoebe shook her head smiling awkwardly. "God Phoebe my life has no meaning without you in it. You are everything I wish I could be."

"Helga don't say that." Phoebe frowned, hating herself.

"Its true Pheebs. God you're smart, beautiful, strong, unbreakable..."

"Helga you broke me tonight!" Phoebe shouted, her tears falling. Helga dared herself to walk closer to Phoebe. With a steady hand she placed it on Phoebe's shoulder.

"No Phoebe I broke through your brick wall tonight. Don't be afraid of rejection, and judgment anymore. This you is what I want to see more often." Helga's voice was at its most sincere. Phoebe looked toward her friend and smiled sadly.

"I can't believe I don't hate you." Phoebe laughed awkwardly.

"Same." Helga held Phoebe tightly in her arms. Phoebe patted Helga awkwardly and moved.

"I'm still pissed at you...bitch." Phoebe smirked. Helga laughed.

"Who knew this whole time that you were the dictator in this relationship?" Helga cried in happiness.

"I always knew just let you believe the opposite." Phoebe winked.

"Yea yeah smart ass...lets get something to drink." Helga put her arm across Phoebe's shoulder as they walked into the kitchen.

"Make it a cold one." Phoebe wrapped an arm around Helga's waist.

Arnold walked into Gerald's room to find Gerald pacing around angrily. Arnold looked out the hallway of the room before closing the door, the things Arnold was about to express were not Arnold like. Or was it just that?


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

Gerald turned around as the door shut. "What the hell do you want?" Gerald yelled to whoever was in the room. Clearly this person was asking for a death wish coming in here. The light turned on and a football head came into the light.

"Its me Gerald." Arnold leaned against the wall sangfroid. His rage with Gerald wouldn't be held in, not after tonight.

"What do you want man?" Gerald asked clearly on defense. Arnold laughed sinisterly.

"I don't know Gerald, just thought we could talk." Arnold pulled up a wooden chair from a desk and sat it facing opposite of Gerald as he slowly sat down his chest facing the back of the chair.

"Arnold I really don't have time for this." Gerald started but quickly stopped as Arnold stomped his foot. The two men looked at each other and Gerald watched the true Arnold speak.

"That was a shitty thing you did Gerald." Gerald sat on the end of his bed slowly and looked at Arnold. Guess they'd have a man to man talk.

"You're being very vague Arnold, explain yourself please brotha." Gerald cocked a brow.

"Huh its funny that out of no where you and Helga share the same problems. Why Helga, Gerald?...she's Phoebe's best friend...How could you be so inconsiderate." Arnold became enraged. Gerald burst in laughter.

"Helga was right." Gerald muttered.

"Excuse me." Arnold sat up firm.

"Arnold you're not pissed because I did the wrong thing by cheating on Phoebe, you're pissed because I cheated with Helga." Gerald saw Arnolds eyes hit the floor as if thinking of his next words and then his eyes landed on Gerald's.

"Of course its even worse...Helga is Phoebe's best friend."

"And your first love." Gerald finished. Arnold was hit with silence so hard that he nearly fell out of his chair.

"Why would you say that?" Arnold stuttered.

"Arnold stop playing around, we're not nine anymore!" Arnold breathed out and continued to listen though he didn't want to. "I knew even then that you loved her but of course I thought that Helga was the most hateful creature on earth...And boy was I wrong. Helga is so passionate, smart, kind and caring...Its a damn shame how she's wasted her love on you." Gerald narrowed his eyes at Arnold. Arnold jumped up from the chair as it fell to the floor. Gerald in that instant stood in front of Arnold too. The men staring into each others eyes angrily. "You know how many times we've talked about you?" Arnold raised an eyebrow. "Every time we were together...Arnold do you enjoy killing her, as a matter of fact ask her about that." Gerald smirked. Arnold pushed Gerald, the brown skinned boy sat on the ground and lifted off with his palms to attack Arnold's legs. The boys fell to the floor and began wrestling around.

Meanwhile across the room Stinky, Sid and Harold were talking, mostly just Stinky and Harold. Stinky looked over to his distant best friend, confused by his earlier behavior. "I reckon Sid expects some kind of action." Stinky winked at Harold. Sid looked up catching the last sentence.

"What did you say?" Sid asked.

"Oh...I just said were all a little annoyed with this secret thing, that you probably want it to be over with so you and Nadine can hit the hay." Stinky high fived Harold and the two boys laughed. Sid jumped up from his spot by the bay window and stared down Stinky.

"No actually I think this secret thing is helping us out...you could learn something from this Stinky."

"Well gee wilkers what's your problem?" Stinky asked annoyed with Sid's behavior toward him.

"I'm just tired of your immature comments lately."

"Yet we were making these comments a few months ago." Stinky pondered.

"Things change." Sid crossed his arms.

"Obviously they do." Stinky said and a loud crash was heard.

"Hey guys stop bitching...you hear that?" Harold said putting his pointer finger up for silence. Another crash was heard and the boys ran into Gerald's room to see a sight they thought they'd never see. Two life long best friends fighting. "Oh fuck no!" Harold said pulling Gerald away from Arnold. As Stinky and Sid pulled Arnold away.

"What the hell guys?!" Sid asked shocked.

"Arnold attacked me, like a punk ass." Gerald spat.

"Fuck you Gerald." Arnold yanked toward Gerald.

"Whoa now what happened here fellowers?" Stinky asked. Arnold and Gerald wouldn't keep their angry eyes off each other.

"Ask Arnold." Gerald smirked.

"Ask Gerald." Arnold scowled.

"You guys are being really immature right now. Stop being little girls and act like men. Dammit!" Harold yelled.

"Fine I'll start." Gerald said sarcastically. "Arnold's pissed because I cheated on Phoebe."

"Over that Arnold? You must really be religious in your morals." Sid said.

"I'm not finished Sid." Gerald said. "He's pissed cause I cheated on Phoebe with Helga." Everyone got quiet. Everyone knew about Arnold and Helga's complex relationship. "But get this, he won't admit he has feelings for her...fucking clueless." Gerald sneered. Arnold tried to lunge at Gerald again.

"Least I didn't fuck up my relationship officially...I could have Helga whenever I want." Arnold smirked. Sid looked at Arnold shocked by his actions.

"Hold up now...Arnold that was a dick thing of you to say. You know how Helga feels about you. She's not an object you can toy with whenever you want!" Sid was shaking violently. Helga was one of his best friends.

Helga to Sid (17)

Round and round I spun, you spun me and stopped me when you pleased but even as I go off the ride I still stayed dizzy for awhile. Then you asked if I wanted to go on again, you knew this was my favorite ride and you knew I could never refuse. So as you spin me I'm grateful that its you spinning me, I can take the dizziness, the gripping on tight, my body wanting to stand straight but I cant stand it when you stop and walk away leaving me dizzy again and alone. So utterly alone.

"Pass it Helga." The lanky long nose hidden under shaggy hair said. Her thoughts were interrupted, thank goodness for that.

"Pipe down bucko." Helga spat clearly jumpy from the kids yelling.

"Well howdy Helga your panties are up in a bunch...when I offered you some of this good California orange I didn't expect for you to be a bitch." He eyed her.

Helga thought for a moment wanting to punch him dead in his penis shaped nose but decided to apologize, which was rare for her.

"Sorry Sid." She didn't make eye contact.

"It's totally cool Helgs were pals." Sid smiled brightly.

Sid had changed over the years, his hair seemed to darken more with age and the ends of his hair curled covering his eyes and nose a bit. Helga took Sid as an insecure guy who feigned the appearance of a bad boy figure type. She was right, most of the time Sid was unstable. Sid wore the same childhood green hat a white beetles shirt black skinnies and white vans that always stayed clean. He was average height for a guy and skinny but very attractive and highly sexually active.

Sid to Helga

Yes I wanted to smoke with Helga but I didn't offer her the kush to bang her. Though the thought has come across my mind a few times back in middle school. No I just needed advice from the girl, Helga was pretty smart when she wanted to be and down to earth, loyal. I needed that right about now...

She didn't know I read what she was writing...it didn't take a rocket science to figure out that the poem was about Arnold. We always talked about him. I never knew how complex their relationship was...it was worse than Nadine and I. We' were at my house on my bed, well she was on my bed comfortable looking up at my ceiling and I was at the computer. Her tight pink shirt raised up a bit showing some pale skin.

"Your doing it again Sid." Helga eyed him.

"What?" Sid stuttered caught in the act. Helga giggled. "Yeah so what...I can't help that your beautiful." Sid smiled whole heartedly.

"Thanks I guess." Helga sat up and looked away.

"Why do you always do that whenever I compliment you?" Sid asked.

"Cause its not true." Helga smirked.

"Your insecurity pisses me off." Sid joked.

"Kills me too frog boy." Helga said touching his frog catching trophy.

"Hey I stopped catching frogs ages ago." Sid yelled. Helga laughed.

"Its cute when you lie." Sid looked at Helga up and down and wondered what it'd be like to touch her again. To bad they were just friends...

PRESENT

"Gee wilkers! You lost your virginity to Helga?" Stinky yelled astounded. Arnold pulled his arm away from Sid.

"When?" Arnold questioned.

"7th grade." Sid said. Arnold had his arms behind his head and paced a few times before hitting the wall and leaving the room, shouting. The guys all looked at each other and nearly toppled over each other to follow Arnold.

"Everyone in the living room now!" Arnold yelled.

"What the hell Football Head?" Helga held her ears mockingly.

"Shut it." Arnold narrowed his eyes, Helga said nothing. Something about those eyes weren't safe. Soon everyone came into the living room. "Great now that everyone's here lets get on with the secrets since we all have so many." Arnold scowled at Helga who sat up against the couch with her knees up against her chest. "Sid why don't you start." Arnold smiled sarcastically. Sid looked around at everyone.

"Ugh boy howdy where to begin?" Sid pulled off his green hat and rubbed through his shaggy hair placing his hat back on.

"Why did you and Nadine breakup Sid?" Arnold asked purposely. 'Fuck' Sid thought.

Age (15)

He wasn't always into weed drinking partying and sex...Gosh sex. It wasn't love for sure and that aspect of that made it appeasing to him. When he discovered this he was in a relationship, his only actual relationship. She was innocent and he loved that about her, she couldn't be tainted. Her life revolved around family friends and insects strange enough. His interest in frogs made it a good combination.

Her best friend rich bitch threw a party of their ending freshman year. Sid hadn't had sex since 8th grade with her name wasn't of any importance but his current girlfriend had drank entirely too much and passed out on miss rich bitch's bed. Sid went down the steps and Rhonda followed. Sid was a bit tipsy and standing was hard. Rhonda knew. She lead him to the couch and treated him like he was her special patient. Before Sid knew it they began kissing and Rhonda lay under him moaning without any care. He hated hearing her and he hated his self restraint. He imagined Nadine under him but the reminder of Rhonda's bitter kisses told him it wasn't Nadine. He was satisfied though until he heard Nadine scream.

PRESENT

"This is all entirely too much." Rhonda stood up.

"No Rhonda sit down." Arnold said. "I'm interested as to why you would do that to your best friend. You guys are best friends right?" Arnold eyed Nadine and Rhonda.

"Arnold I think your going a little too far." Eugene spoke out.

"No let her answer." Curly held a hand up.

"It just amazes me how best friends could commit such an infidelity." Arnold said speaking to Rhonda but looking at Helga.

"Arnold you're being oh so very unreasonable right now." Lila said standing up.

"Oh hush Little Miss perfect." Arnold sneered at the bewildered girl. Helga was in complete awe of Arnolds actions yet extremely turned on. "Please explain Rhonda, how you could hurt your best friend like that? It just baffles me." Arnold placed his pointer finger and thumb on his chin sarcastically. Rhonda began to speak but it came out in a few squeaks. "What, you're gonna answer?" Arnold nodded his head at her.

"This was all a very long time ago." Rhonda replied.

"Yeah but damn how that wound is still so fresh and bleeding." Arnold looked disgusted. The room was quite. This behavior was so unlike Arnold, unlike them. Rhonda tongue tied? Finally the silence ended after ten minutes.

"I was jealous." Rhonda said.

"So you were jealous that Nadine had a relationship?" Arnold said.

"Yes."

"Yep because you wanted Sid." Arnold crossed his arms and began to walk away.

"No." Rhonda said.

"What?" Everyone looked at Rhonda.

"No." Rhonda repeated as she looked at her red warm fuzzy therapeutic socks.

"No to what?" Arnold asked.

"Yes I was jealous of Nadine's relationship but not because I wanted Sid...because I wanted Nadine."


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

"Whoa...Oh no no no. Helga G. Pataki won't sit out of this one." Helga stood up and looked in Rhonda's eyes. "Are you saying what I think you're saying, princess?" Helga asked.

"Guess its my turn to tell my secret." Rhonda smiled barely.

"I didn't even tell mine, really..." Sid said.

"You can after me Sid." Rhonda said. "Oh you might wanna sit down, its a lot to handle."

Rhonda to Nadine (15)

I always knew I was bisexual. Yes I Rhonda Wellington Lloyd am a gay. My crushes have gone from Katrinka to Nadine to Helga to back to Nadine. My first gay sexual experience was with Katrinka. It was whatever in all honesty...I truly was just attracted to the girl and Helga, I've always hated the girl but longed to have her...I saw the beauty in her that no one else really saw, shame that she's not even an ounce bi. Nadine was my worst regret, I love our friendship, so much so that I questioned if I was in love with her myself freshman year. It was a week after our first and unfortunately only experience together. I was throwing a bash for us freshman and Sid showed up her boyfriend who I was extremely jealous of. Nadine was mine in my eyes and she ignored me the whole night that whole week in fact...I acted with vengeance. While she was upstairs in my room drunk, I took Sid. I guess I wanted to see what she saw in him. The sex was pretty good but I exaggerated a bit for what reason, I'm not sure...but it woke up Nadine. She caught us and hell began. Sid begged for forgiveness as he got dressed but Nadine kicked him out and then we were alone.

PRESENT

"So you set that whole thing up just cause you were jealous of me? Boy howdy I don't know if I should feel flattered or disgusted." Sid laughed.

"Yes keep laughing Sid but ask Nadine why I would do something like that?" Rhonda sneered her arms crossed and nose in the air. Sid looked at Nadine questionably. Nadine turned her head from Sid. "Oh I guess I'll have to blow that secret too." Rhonda smiled sarcastically.

Nadine to Rhonda (15)

I spent the night at Rhonda's to get the hell away from my mom because she was tripping over my new look which was sexier than hers, courtesy of Rhonda, so of course she must be jealous. Rhonda's mom came in the room. "Girls I'm going out I'll be back later on tonight so don't wait up." Rhonda's mother said.

"okay mother dear see yah darling." Rhonda smiled brightly.

"bye." I smiled. Rhonda's mother smiled and left out the room and closed the door.

"I am so glad she's leaving." Rhonda said.

"Why." I asked.

"She gets on my nerves and besides I feel like getting drunk she'll be all over my perfect ass if she caught me stealing from her liquor cabinet...again." Rhonda said her face was vibrant like she could care less.

"Oh okay." I said I didn't know what to think, stealing from the liquor cabinet.

"Nadine darling its fun when you try it." Rhonda said touching my shoulder and laughing.

I smiled too. When Rhonda's mother left Rhonda came back in the room and we drank and drank and drank. I was so drunk I don't even remember half of the bull we were talking and laughing about only one thing I remember and its still clear in my mind.

"you are really pretty you know." Rhonda said.

"awe thanks you too." I said.

"thank you but you're really pretty." Rhonda said. I couldn't help but blush Rhonda never called me pretty, it was rare for anyone really to call me pretty except Sid. "Nadine can I ask you something?" Rhonda put the vodka on her nightstand.

"Sure Rhonda, what is it?" I asked intrigued.

"Ever kissed a girl?" She asked.

"No." I laughed.

"Wanna try." Rhonda smiled at me her face was eager and her breath smelled of straight vodka and other alcohol.

"With who." I asked.

"Me of course, silly." Rhonda said. I felt awkward. A kiss with the same sex? I mean Rhonda is pretty but it just seemed all too weird even for me the girl who collects insects. "Well obviously you're attracted to me, you said so yourself and well frankly you're attractive, why not." Rhonda said.

I looked at Rhonda once more she was pretty what could be the harm of kissing a girl that would be it .right?

"Okay I guess." I said after a minute. Rhonda brought her lips to mine and my head became foggy. Her perfect soft lips were nice it was nice more then nice I liked it . She stopped and looked at me.

"How was that?" She asked.

"It was weird but good." I blushed. It wasn't like kissing a guy it was more free fall with a girl.

"See that was nice, time to step it up a notch." Rhonda said.

"what do you mean." I asked.

"I'll show you." Rhonda smirked "Tell me when to stop." Rhonda asked.

"Why are we doing this Rhonda?." I asked.

"Well I'm horny and you know I'm bi and your pretty so come on." She said.

"Okay but this is weird." I said.

"Don't worry its me doing this to you so it will be good." She said smiling leaning toward me. Rhonda was kissing me and it felt good I didn't kiss back after a while but I gave in and tried to forget Rhonda was a girl. Rhonda grabbed at my breast and I hers. She forced her tongue into my mouth and our tongues were twirling around it was so different but I tried imagining a guy any guy who was sexy in my book . Rhonda took off my shirt and I with hers. She took off my bra and bite on my beast and nipples. I moaned cause it hurt. Rhonda sucked and sucked it felt good better then a guy. "Okay Nadine I'm going to fuck you." Rhonda said sternly looking at me.

"umm how." I asked.

"you'll see." She smiled. Rhonda and I had sex that night. I was going out with Sid, I couldn't have sex with him but I did with Rhonda, ugh I'm terrible...

PRESENT

"Oh my God!" Harold said smiling with circles for eyes. "Kiss again!" Harold demanded.

"I would love ya'll forever if you did." Stinky looked at Rhonda and Nadine.

"No it was a mistake and it happened a long time ago." Nadine stood up and faced away from everyone, her arms holding her.

"So you cheated on me with a girl?!" Sid yelled at Nadine.

"Sid I'm sorry...but that was back then...its over now." Nadine said.

"Yea, its over because of you...none of this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for your experimenting." Sid put quote hands up when he said experimenting.

"Sid..."

"No you made me believe for years that it was me who ruined us, Nadine...I thought I ruined us...God I put myself down everyday for us breaking up...for me losing the best damn thing I ever had." Nadine went to touch Sid's arm but he just shrugged her off and walked out. It remained silent for a few minutes and shortly after Nadine left.

Helga rolled her eyes and jumped up off the couch. "So Rhonda you like me?" Helga tried not to laugh. Rhonda rolled her eyes.

"Back when I was stupid." Rhonda smirked.

"No wonder you were a bitch to me." Helga smirked.

"I think Rhonda has the best secret." Harold winked at her.

"Keep winking like that Harold and you might get another chance." Rhonda laughed.

"So you and Harold did hook up?" Sheena smirked.

"Oh shit." Rhonda said. "Oh well the cats out of the bag, might as well tell all of them." Rhonda giggled.

"My love I find your being bisexual extremely sexy." Curly wiggled his eyebrows.

"Curly, darling...STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Rhonda stomped.

"I'm very surprised by your confession Rhonda." Phoebe said.

"If it means anything, you're very attractive."

"Oh my well thank you Rhonda but I bet you prefer blondes." Phoebe winked at Helga.

"Pheebs!" Helga blushed.

"How could you two be friends after what she did!" Arnold screamed and walked off. Helga watched as Arnold disappeared from her life again. She hated that she loved him sometimes. She followed after him.

"Oh look at the time its almost 2." Eugene pointed. "How about I make us all some grilled cheese." Eugene smiled at everyone.

"Some special grilled cheese?" Stinky chuckled.

"Why of course Stinky." Eugene smiled even brighter.

"Why sure Mr. Simmons." Harold busted out in laughter and soon followed everyone after as they all entered the kitchen.

Sid sat at the bay window with a cigarette in his hand. He heard a knock at the door. "Come in." Sid said continuing to just stare at the full moon. He felt her presence beside him. He always knew when she was around.

"Sid I'm sorry for making you feel like it was your fault." Nadine said.

"It's cool." Sid said watching the sky start to clear more with each passing minute. Nadine gently grabbed his face and made him face her. Sid looked into her butterscotch eyes and melted into her arms that she wrapped around him tightly.

"Sid I love you." Nadine said. Sid breathed out and felt his problems slowly start to disappear. Nadine's eyes slowly closed and her lips began to come upon his. Her mouth pressed against his as she took him into her. He was shocked by her sudden love, this love he had been longing for since their breakup. Sid fell into her kiss easily and pressed his palms on ether side of her face. They kissed passionately pulling at each other's lips aggressively. He bit on her lower lip and she pulled the hat off his head as her right hand tugged at his hair at the back of his neck to come closer to her. They parted breathing hard. She looked into his earth brown eyes and smiled her sweetest smile. "That's my secret." She whispered.

"I love you Nadine."

Helga entered the balcony to see Arnold leaning his head on the rail. He obviously cared for her wouldn't be acting like this. "Arnold." She slowly approached him.

"Helga how is it that you only get me like this?" He asked his head still leaned against the rail. Helga didn't know how to respond to that, she just waited for him to continue. "Helga do you hate me?" Arnold asked.

"You know I don't." Helga whispered pleadingly. Arnold moved slightly but refused to look at her.

"Helga, I must have really hurt you. Haven't I?" Arnold asked. Helga looked at Arnold and felt the memories come back.

"Its nothing Im not use to." Helga said her arms crossed. Arnold faced her.

"I'm sorry for that." He smiled his most sincere smile. Helga's eyes widened. "You look beautiful under the moonlight." Arnold's eyes went half idled.

"What?" Helga stuttered walking backward.

"Don't run away its just a compliment." Arnold frowned. Helga stopped and stood still feeling really immature. "You know Helga, the more secrets that come out the more I find out about you and a little about me." Helga shivered but the temperature was 91 degrees.

"Like what?" Helga asked. Arnold smiled at Helga seeing her concern.

"I'll tell you later." Arnold looked at peace strangely. "Promise." He held out his pinky.

"So fourth grade but whatever." Helga held out her pinky as they felt a spark from their physical touch. They stared into each others eyes.

"We should go back in." Arnold whispered. Helga only nodded. Arnold released his pinky from hers and they entered the house again to be greeted with the gang.

"You guys really think I'm the new Mr. Simmons?" Eugene whined as he came out the kitchen with the rest of the gang.

"You're his twin." Gerald admitted. Eugene's shoulders slumped.

"I would be flattered if I was compared to Mr. Simmons." Sheena smiled at Eugene. Everyone sat back in the living room, waiting for Sid and Nadine who came in with smiles on their faces.

"Wonder what got into them." Gerald said.

"You mean what got into her." Harold joked. The boys laughed to themselves.

"Haha yeah fuck you." Sid said. Helga and Phoebe chuckled quietly. "My turn again."

Age (16)

I've been single for two years now marking today. It's okay, really. I have a lot of shit going on that Nadine or any other girl shouldn't be apart of. I sell drugs, something I could have even predicted back in 4th grade when we took that test...I would be a salesman of some sort, who knew it'd be drugs. Boy howdy if I had seen the path my life was going on I'd kill myself years ago.

I went to court 6 months ago for weapon and drug possession. Luckily the judge was feeling nice to a kid like me. I might act all tough but I'm not, my problems have been rooted back to when I was younger witnessing my father lose his job and turn to alcohol. Helga knew very well what an alcoholic parent was like except my dad was worse than her mother. He'd beat me any chance he got and if he wasn't beating me he was hitting my mother.

Bills were falling behind by 7th grade and we were getting evicted, that blue yellow and pink papers were so damn familiar...I had to do something. I was offered work in stealing parts and selling them...so I took the job. It required a lot of late hours out and skipping some classes but shelter came first rather than education...huh well back then. Anyway I got caught one night, of course the fools bailed on me and I got left with all the charges...I was to join a brotherhood program for boys without fathers for a year. I wasn't really to apprehensive about the idea but it was that or juvy. I would still be able to sell but smoke unfortunately not cause I'd be drug tested every dam month.

The first day into the brotherhood was the day I decided to change my life. I met a kid who resembled me in so many, not with physical looks but with his personality. He was reading a book about frogs, he was nine, shaky and insecure. I was drawn to him, I knew he was destined to be my brother, my responsibility.

Months had passed and I got a great part time job at an auto shop and a part time job at Slausens. I wasn't just helping out my family anymore I was helping at Dillon's...my brothers name. "Sid." Dillon's little blue eyes looked into Sid's brown.

"Yeah little dude?" Sid asked.

"You're the best thing in my life right now." Dillon said, his eyes were looking down right depressing.

"Boy Howdy, Dillon you look like you've been hit by a truck...what's the matter little dude?" Sid asked.

"It's just ugh...moms getting sicker...I'm worried Sid." Dillon was pretty mature for his age but weren't all the p.s118 kids. In Hillwood each kid had their fair share of problems.

"Dillon do you need more money?" Sid asked pulling out his wallet.

"Sid I can't keep taking money from you...Its not right." Dillon looked determined.

"Guess you're growing up huh?" Sid smiled.

"Trying..." Dillon tried to smile.

"I'll set you up with a job as a bus boy, sound good?" Sid smiled.

"Thanks Sid...for everything." Dillon smiled. Sid looked at Dillon's blue eyes and his happy face and painted the image of him of this moment in his memory. He owed Dillon his life...this boy was his brother and would always be his brother. Love really is the strongest feeling in this world.

PRESENT

"Sid." Nadine said, Sid looked up. "What happened to Dillon?" All the p.s118 kids looked toward Sid, as Sid's hat was the only thing they could see.

"His mom died of Leukemia and he was sent to a foster home, beginning of senior year." Sid said. Nadine sat beside Sid and held him in her arms.

"I'm sorry." Nadine whispered. Sid held her back.

"It feels good having you in my arms, you know." Sid whispered as Nadine snuggled closer to Sid giggling. Rhonda smiled at her best friends happiness but one person in the room wasn't smiling and his name was Stinky.

**A/N: **Well well, Nadine and Rhonda...mhmmm;) Hope you liked my little oc Dillion! More secrets to be shed and they get darker and darker. I promise! Lots more betrayel and romance as well!

ANYWAY guys CHECK OUT my other stories and REVIEW me. PLEASE! lol

Love always, Morgan!


End file.
